What are you full of?

Believe it or not, there are many qualities I have that I am proud of.  I have a record of being very good at goal setting (in the academic and business world).  If I have set my mind to completing something, there is a force inside me that pushes so hard even when I want to give up to keep going.  Recently I was told that I have a "bulldog mentality" by a person who I care about - who was complimenting me on how hard I work towards achieving what my mind is set on.  I always was proud of buying a house at 19, starting a business at 21, starting a family at 23, and now graduating college and starting a second career at 28.  I never felt I was destined for great things, but I knew how to make things happen.

I have never been able to figure out this food nonsense though.  Notice how I called it nonsense.  In reality, food makes perfect sense.  I've studied it so much to the point I know what I should be eating yet once I have a setback I have a hard time getting back on the boat and become even more discouraged by how quickly I find myself back at square one.  It's simple, the crap that is on TV is typically bad for you and the stuff that grows out of the ground is what God intended for our bodies.

I once read that you can know who you really are by an analogy of a glass of liquid.  The story goes on to say that you may feel you have things under control when your glass doesn't spill over from being too full.  The part that I found significant was when the story said that you truly find out what you are made of when your cup becomes too full and you discover what spills out.  Lets just say that lately my cup has been spewing out all over the place and I'm not to excited about what the contents of my cup are.  I recently was offered a job, that I will be starting in the next few weeks and I can honestly say that I am kind of nervous.  With me accepting this job, there will be many changes in my home life and it has caused me have an attitude of fear that I am not enjoying.  Then throw in the staggering strep throat running through this house and the major scrub down of the house (which was well needed, though still not finished). 

We have all heard the term "emotional" eating.  I have never been able to relate to this concept because I have always considered myself a happy person.  I have always thought that I just ate when I was bored and never tied that into emotional eating.  I always thought that it meant that you had to be some crazy person who is always crying while shoving things into your face.  If there have been moments of sadness with me, I find that I don't want to eat at all. 

So how does this tie into my glass of liquids spilling over?  I have found that as my glass has been overflowing some of my negative traits that I am not proud of are now being displayed.  I have so many thoughts of the unknown swimming around in my mind.  I even asked my husband to stop talking last night about the millionth thing that he wanted to buy that would make our life "easier."  I explained to him that right now I need to avoid thinking about anything new until I have started working and some of my thoughts are straightened out.  He went on to discuss other tasks that need to be done including the lawn.  Needless to say, the lawn is not where my thoughts are.

I eventually talked to my husband once the kids were in bed and apologized about how short I have been with everything around here and explained my fears and disappointments with the upcoming job and food choices as of late.  He was kind enough to understand, but must have quickly forgot by this morning when he was talking about the lawn again and briefly mentioned his desired "purchase" then asked me why I was so crabby.

My response to him was, well....  less than kind.  I told him that part of the reason I appreciate him working outside the home was all I need to do is look at the clock to know when his talking will stop.  That didn't go over too great and now I am getting the silent treatment.  I am wondering if it is a pun to consider his silence well deserved by me. :)

My poor husband. 

I don't mean to air dirty laundry to the world, but I couldn't help but reflect on how much of a toll changes play on our attitudes.  This post has gone on a bit of a tangent, but my point was to say that I typically appreciate who I am as a person.  When it comes to food though, I find that my cup spills over very quickly.  I can only assume that it comes from my inner disappointment and feelings of inadequate-ness for not being able to just "figure it out."  I remind myself that I have a choice in the matter yet continually make the wrong ones.  I don't get it...  and I don't like it....

I found that when my glass spills over, I have been full of fear and anger toward my lack of self control.  I can only hope that the spilling over is getting the bad parts out of my glass and I am left with a glass full of positive traits that I admire and model for my kids.

Now I need to go call my husband....  :)